Summer Update

Hey everybody,

Just wanted to dust this thing off and write another entry after about a month and a half. The time that's passed since late June has been pretty weird and full of a lot of random and unexpected turns.

Dream Job in...... West Virginia?
As of my last post, I had just gotten back from my WV interview and was full of enthusiasm about the potential job I found. It was with an economic development organization in the coal fields of Appalachia. I was interviewing to work as a community organizer, researcher, and grant writer for a project that uses renewable energy to stimulate job creation and local ownership in a poor, polluted part of the country. Many of you were keenly aware of my attitude at the time - I was going to use this experience to pursue my dream of working at the intersection of economic development, environmental justice, and sustainability. It seemed like a fitting place to be, at least temporarily, since a lot of my interest in this type of stuff started when I first learned about how dramatically the coal industry - and our nation's addiction to coal - has been affecting Appalachia for the last two hundred years. During the interview, these guys had me interface with everyone from the Mayor of the town to local companies, nationally prominent organizations, and economic development agencies to discuss how we could convene a plan and funding around their idea. While it was kind of a whirlwind that left me burned out by the end of it all, I basically had the position.

Despite the burnout, I was pretty enthusiastic because it was the kind of project that would have brought MLK, Gahndi, Jesus, Buddha,... even friggin Johnny Appleseed... into the same room. And I loved it. It encompassed a lot of my passions and was really inspiring. Based in a mining town, the project was somewhat revolutionary in its own right because of its focus on creating new economic options for people outside of the coal industry. The project was also based in the same town as the notorious coal baron, Don Blankenship (CEO of Massey Energy). It would have given me the opportunity to network, build skills, get seemingly decent pay, interface with a few environmental law firms in town, and clarify some personal interests I'd like to integrate into a long-term career path. Not to mention it would have been great to feature on graduate school applications. That said, I was well on my way into the next step and feeling good about life. All I had to do was return home, relax, sign the contract, and come back to WV after a week of R&R. Right?

WRONG

To make a long story (not so) short, I received the contract on the day my tentative start date was scheduled. Packed and ready to leave in the middle of July, I found the agreement was full of some really weird stuff. And it gave me a really, really uneasy feeling, despite how badly I wanted to go down and how seemingly solid our verbal agreement appeared. So I took a closer look.


Beginning of the Beginning... of the End... of the Beginning... of the... End... of...the...Begin... huh? wait a minute...
All I can say is that if you've ever experienced what its like to get cold feet about a big life decision, you know that it sucks. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure... let me tell you! Its an icy river of dread that washes from your brain, into your gut, through your legs, and out your feet... only to flood the room you're standing in. It has the potential to crumble your entire foundation of confidence. It floods your mind, floods your words, floods everything you've thought was right and trustworthy about the world, situation, or a person... and leaves you kinda numb.

Well anyway, after reading the contract and connecting a lot of dots, that's what started happening to me. It was very strange because I had spent so much time with the organization in West Virginia and they seemed like really decent people. In fact, I felt like we got along really well. So it was difficult to grapple with, because in my heart - I knew this was something I really wanted to do.

Ass Face
Outrageous "performance based" payment structures for completing objectives that weren't yet defined, non-compete clauses that would have barred me from the Sun, Moon, and Stars, reluctance to pay a living wage, and unexpected deviations from verbal agreements were just some of the "goodies" I found in the document. Yipeeeee. Weird part was that this guy also told me he was willing to "bend over backwards" to have me come work for them. I didn't get it. All I knew is that if contract negotiation is about managing perceptions - this organization didn't know its ass from its face.

However, since they kinda sorta promised me my dreams (kinda literally)... it was hard to ignore. I just wanted to sign the darn thing and get going as soon as possible. To hell with my misgivings - I knew what benefits were at stake! Yet, somehow... after putting it all together - I kept coming back to the same conclusion that it was all really, really shady. I tried to reconcile the shadiness with my desire to go down however and still decided that I needed to do it. It felt really weird.

I couldn't concentrate on talking to people, couldn't sleep, couldn't relax, or think of any positives of going beyond the delusions of grandeur I had formulated along the way... nothing was going right. I know it sounds dramatic and all, but literally, I had been searching for an opportunity like this for a really long time. It almost felt destined (not to sound cheesy) since it dropped into my lap at the perfect time and encompassed so many of my interests.

Things Change Again
The uneasiness went away when I learned that they were going to promise me the sun, moon, and stars - yet again. This time it was going to be even better than before, with more pay, interesting scope of work, and better networking opportunities. The dread went away and, in fact, turned into sheer enthusiasm. I couldn't wait to get down even though we had hit a few snags and the process had been unexpectedly dragged out for weeks. They said they would change the contract and all would be good. So I got packed again, this time two weeks later, and was about to sign the contract to go down when bad stuff started happening all over again.

The verbal agreements we came to weren't at all reflected in the contract, I was called a "materialist" for asking why things had changed, was informed that the first contract would have technically been illegal (I had to prod this information out of them), then learned that they'd barely been preparing for my arrival at all... no orientation, no start date... nothing... just a bunch of vagaries and silly shit all over again! (Honestly, the guy tried to convince me later that he meant for "materialist" to be taken as a compliment! "...one who seeks to change the world using material means..." right, dude... and I'm Santa Claus)

So after 6 weeks, when they proposed to change the contents of my offer letter after I already had it in hand, I finally called them out on their BS. This was after getting packed for the second time, basically putting ink down, and preparing to say goodbye to everyone for the millionth time. So yeah - I was frustrated. I raised my voice a little in an honest expression of frustration and right as I said "I don't know how much I can trust you guys" - it was too late - negotiations fell through completely. The dude hung up the phone faster than you could scare off a flock of birds and sent an email five minutes later to "wish me the best on future endeavors." Despite that he and his partner jerked me around for close to two months in some of the most unprofessional ways possible. Standing in my parent's front yard, I threw my phone and sat down in disbelief. All the planning I had done over the previous 2 months was in vain. No job, in Akron, living with my parents, missed opportunities... and nothing but meager ideas about how to reinvent things from here.

Wow. I was furious.

My baby had died and I didn't know what to do.

End Part 1.

...it's late and I'm going to bed... Part 2 to come later!